I don't mean to wrestle in public. After all, if you wrestle in public, you never know what might be exposed.
I've never fancied myself a writer. I know, because I read them, that there are wonderful, well written blogs out there. People who should be professional writers, if they aren't already. I am not one of those people. I'm relatively new to blogging. I have tried keeping a journal in the past. Heck, I can remember, and may still have, the Holly Hobby diary that I had when I was around 10. An entry here, an entry there. Months pass between entries.
Whenever I did go months between entries, I'd always start the newest entry with something like, "wow, it's been so long since I've written in here...."
Blogging, on the other hand, keeps me coming back. Maybe not daily, but weekly at the very least. I have a place that, for some reason, I feel the need to write down my thoughts and work through things "on paper". It doesn't matter if others are reading, though I write as if someone is. I'd like there to be humor in it, but that only happens when there is actually humor in whatever daily event I may be re-living. All in all, I'd say blogging is good for me. And sometimes that means wrestling in front of anyone who may innocently wander past without averting their eyes.
And so I wrestle. Today's thoughts are a little more upbeat than yesterday's. I did manage to be conscious of my actions today. When's the last time that you were truly conscious of what you were doing? For me, it really doesn't happen that often. I go through life, day in and day out, pretty much on auto pilot. Just getting from one thing to another, whether it's housework or playing with Twinkle. Happy things or just things that must needs be done.
I did still raise my voice with Twinkle a couple of times today. But I did it on purpose!! OK, kidding. I didn't feel as guilty afterward, because sometimes you just have to speak a little louder to a 5 year old and also because it wasn't constant. I didn't feel as if I was constantly yelling or getting frustrated with her. That's a step forward.
While putting her to bed, I was ready for her to be in bed, but that's not a negative thing. That's a human mom thing. "No, honey I don't want to read you a story. You got to stay up a little later playing cards." Gotta learn skills early around the Swizzle House. "No, I can't sit with you for a while. You just need to settle and fall asleep." I haven't checked, but I'm pretty sure she was asleep within minutes of lying down.
I do feel as if most of the life has been sucked out of me, but again I think that's a normal human mom thing. Show me a mom that doesn't feel that way most of the time and I'll show you a good pharmacist. And that's ok. As I've posted before, I recognize that there are things I need to feel. When you don't feel these things, good or bad, you don't live.
That's what this is.... this is living! The high life baby!! Speaking of which, I think it's time for a beverage.